Rum work over the eggs and b.

My hotel breakfast this morning was the scene of a very strange dialogue, when the Waiter of South-East Asian Appearance shot across bearing two thermos jugs. It went like this:

WOSEAA: "Goomoning. Teacoffee?"

Cuirthe: "Thank you - tea, please"

WOSEAA (after brief pouring attempt): "Aah. Is penis."

Cuirthe: "?"

WOSEAA: "Penis. Is empty. I get full one."

And away he buzzed, leaving me understandably nervous as to what might confront me on his return. Fortunately, in the intervening moments, I guessed that his native language was most probably Pilipino, applied the necessary accent filter, and worked out that he had simply been telling me that the tea was... finished.

From "A Dictionary For Our Times"

slute (n): like a flute, except that instead of you blowing it, it blows you.

tromboner (n): a male slute

vulvuzela (n): a female wind instrument

и так далее

I am grateful to one of my more youthful contributors for alerting me to the following internet phenomenon, or "meme", as I believe it is called by those whose attention span does not extend to four syllables...

Edvard Khil's "Vocalise"

Incidentally, if you were also unaware of the phenomenon of "Rickrolling", now might be a good time to look it up.

"no room for modesty in travel any more"*

(*Quotation from Anita Allen, University of Pennsylvania Law School, at EPIC seminar on US full-body scanner deployment)

Proceeding downhill in an orderly manner

Police officers filmed using riot shields to sledge down a snowy hill while on duty have been reprimanded.

"I have spoken to the officers concerned and reminded them in no uncertain terms that tobogganing on duty, on police equipment and at taxpayers' expense is a very bad idea should they wish to progress under my command," said Supt Andrew Murray.

- BBC News website, Jan 2010

Cuirthe was fortunate enough to be able to take a statement from one of the delinquent officers concerned. This was his side of the story.

"Normally we don't go about equipped with riot shields as a matter of course - but as [Supt Andrew Murray] has pointed out, this weather does funny things to people. You never know what people are going to get up to when there's an inch or two of white powder involved.

Anyway, acting on information received, we proceeded to the top of said hill, the better to detect any misbehaviour and respond accordingly. Unfortunately, due to the tricky conditions underfoot, [PC Barker] lost his balance and inadvertently fell onto his riot shield.

Thinking quickly, I made to catch him and prevent him from sliding down the hill and doing himself a mischief in the line of duty. This may have created the illusion that I was pushing PC Barker down the slope - for which I can only apologise. Amateur video footage can often give a misleading impression that you have intentionally backhanded someone across the face with a leather gauntlet. That is regrettable, but I can assure you it was not the case in this instance.

Oy! Are you recording this? Turn that sodding thing off, you little [...]"

At this point the interview had to be interrupted while Cuirthe repaired to a safe distance.

I think we should be told...

Am I alone in noticing the quite uncanny chain of resemblance between serial bon viveur Rowley Birkin QC, buccaneering Bill Clinton, and swaggering Geoffrey (Capn' Barbossa) Rush?


Clinton


Rush


Birkin

























Birkin